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Ultimate Outdoor Theater

by Scruffy
Now here’s just the thing to take on your next camping trip or to just set up in your back yard.

Imagine how popular you’ll be with other nearby campers, who just wanted to spend a night or two outdoors away from the stresses of life back in the neighborhood, when you set this up and begin showing the latest blood and gore horror movie. Why tell the kids ghost stories around the campfire when you can scare the whole campground with amplified sound effects? Imagine all the new friends you’ll make!

Or maybe back home the kids start screaming and teasing each other, driving Granny out of her mind. Or Uncle Joe complaining because there’s no more Bud Lite. Suddenly you have a really bright idea! You suggest a movie in the back yard.

So you struggle to set up this huge screen. You get your teen-aged kid to go drag a table out for the projector. You get frustrated because you can’t find the projector. You stumble around in the dimly-lit garage searching for the 100-foot extension cord. And once you find it, you discover the true meaning of the story of the Gordian Knot.

So you finally get things set up, the projector is working, Uncle Joe finally found some warm Bud Lite (which might just possibly make it taste better). But now you’ve gotta schlepp some chairs outside. Grandpa tries to help but manages to get himself and his chair stuck in the doorway.

Eventually Grandpa and his chair get unstuck and things are looking less like a disaster and more like fun. Aunt Linda has finished fixing a few large bowls of popcorn, Cousin Tommy has brought out the cooler full of pop and beer and Bud Lite (for Unle Joe).

You breathe a sigh of relief.

Your relief is short-lived, though, as the twins are fighting over which movie to watch. Loudly and physically.

The local bluejays and crows are fighting over the popcorn.

A raccoon, who’s been holed up in the storm drain on the street, slopes over to the cooler and helps himself to a Bud Lite, which he shakes then opens near the popcorn to scare away the birds. In the ensuing ruckus, he scurries off with one of the bowls of popcorn with a couple of mockingbirds and the neighbor’s cat in hot pursuit.

You throw up your hands in defeat as you think about how much quieter and saner life would have been if you hadn’t plunked down over a hundred bucks just to show a movie outside rather in the comfort of your family room.

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